Mid January

So.. I'm back again.. don't know why I can't get myself together and write more often.. sigh.. but now I'm here :)

Have had good weeks since last time. Have been working, has been out on restaurant with friends, have had friends over and so.I have been a lot in church and I have had long & interesting chats with my friend that works there.We talked about beeing the only sibling that doesn't have a spouce, how that feels and so. And we talked about relations to sister-in-laws.. we are pretty simular in many ways my friend & I so it was great to talk and just relax :)

I have been thinking a lot about why I have such a hard time loving myself and see myself as beutiful. I know I'm loved by friends and I have all love I need in God but I have a hard time understanding that someone is gonna be able to love me and spend his life with me. But I'm working on it and I'm getting better at it :)

I had a talk with my "mentor" this Tuesday. So giving and sooo nice!! He's awesome!! Helped me to see some things in new perspectives.. We have talked about it before but now I got an deeper understanding for it. I have gone/worked through a lot of things pretty quick theese past years and I have come a long way with my self and my trust in and relation with God. I learned pretty fast that it's no idea to restrain feelings and hide them; you work though things faster and move on faster if you let the feelings come up and let yourself feel them.And it's not until you recognize the feelings and let yourself feel them that you can be healed..
A friend of mine said he was impressed by be and tought it was mature that I had started to talk with a "therapist" about my selfesteem and so. But for me it's nothing. I had no choice if I wanted to be able to love myself and be able to move on. Of course it's hard and painful but it's woth it instead of going with this nagging inside and trying to hide the feelings and just feel low & blue..

So right now I'm at peace and feeling rather good about my life and I know some day soon I'll be through with this :) I don't know how long it will take, you never know that, but some day it's just a bright light shines up and you say "aha, that's the way it is..".. it's a wonderful feeling!!

well.. have some stuff that I need to get done before work.. have a wonderful weekend!!
love

Happy New year

and a late Merry X-mas!! Hope you all had a blessed and joyful x-mas and new years!!

Had a great time at home in Delsbo. We had a little snow, which was awesome, and the sun was shining!! Felt like I hadn't seen the sun for sooo long when I arrived home. It's only raining and grey here in Gothenburg. Had an relaxed and easygoing x-mas. Hung out with family and visited some relatives. I also called my "family" in the states. Talked with Vera. Awesome!! sooo good to hear her voice. Miss them so much :(

Came back to Partille this past Friday and celebreated New Years with some friends. Had an awesome time!! They are just so hilarious and crazy :) Today I have just been home taking it easy..

I'm excited about this comming year, I can feel that it will be a good year. I'm full with expectation for 2008. I have promised myself to focus on a few things and search God´s will for me & my life. I'm gonna take a class in jazzdance and I'm gonna continue to work out at the gym and I'm gonna keep on talking with the "mentors" I have. I'm gonna work through the stuff that has been hurting this fall with them- the lonliness, the frustration, the longing for a boyfriend/someone to share life with, my low self esteem and my need for attention & acknowledgement. Doesn't sound easy, I know, but I really want to and I have started with it already and it feels good.But of course it hurts too..

Emelie.. I recognize and can see my own feelings in what you have written in your blog lately. So much of what you have written fits on me too. We are going through the same stuff it seems like.. it's nice to see that I'm not alone with my feelings..

Well.. time to sit down in front of the tv and go to bed early. Working tomorrow so I will get up early.
Take care!!
love